Hahahahahaha! Her Jacket!
I'd like to thank Mr. R James Anderson of the blog entitled "Democrat Stuck in the Middle of Redland" for his candid attempt at tackling gay marriage rights in his July 29th entry: "It's time to really stir the pot...". You revealed the state's opposition to gay marriage for the pointless, right-wing, discriminatory bias that it is. Even as young gays still struggle to find acceptance amongst their own peers, your personal experience, as a committed family man (honestly, a rarity in the gay world), really draws on the issue: What does Perry really care if you wanna get married? I've gotta say, the answer is probably way simpler than even he knows; I bet it's mostly about a fear of losing votes, especially with his 2012 "run for Presidency" looming.
What would it look like if the President is unabashedly "Pro Gay" and still trying to claim he's a hetero, God-fearing family man? Oh yeah: Obama. As much as he tries to enact laws towards true equal rights (i.e., it seems he genuinely supports gay rights, and wouldn't mind in the slightest if we married), he just can't do it because it's still so taboo and largely frowned upon in the U.S. to be openly gay. I believe that politicians today, despite the backlash they may incur for supporting such sensitive subjects, need to work first on de-stigmatizing homosexuality as an abomination or sin. With the nation's gay population growing steadily (or perhaps just wishing to come out sooner or less dramatically than past generations) the general Anti Gay movement is waning, and the remaining, decidedly Anti Gay activists are emerging as sheltered, uneducated, or uncultured fools. What we have to work on is making this intolerance for intolerance a nationwide movement; then within time, there won't be so many closed-minded opposers.
For this argument, I agree with fellow student Sean Paek's comment on Mr. Anderson's blog. To paraphrase: "...the only way to solve this problem is to change people's perception of gays, which will take a lot of time and effort." This, I agree with. But who exactly is holding us back from being more accepting more than ourselves, the level-headed gay and straight citizens? I think in order to eliminate hate and discrimination, we have to preach acceptance of all kinds. And if our schools aren't gunna help raise our kids to be more tolerant, we'll have to start taking matters into our own hands. What good exactly is it going to do to wait for a bill to pass, a proposition to be overturned, or a bull-headed Governor to change his mind, and deem same-sex unions "fine with" him?
The sad fact is, women and blacks weren't just treated fairly as soon as they were "extended" further civil rights by lawmakers. They continue to be discriminated against in work, school, and in many relationships to this day. By continuing to vote for politicians that we know are adamant against equal rights for gays, we are continuing to support government funded bias in America. My suggestion of a fix is not an easy one, but rather a very literal overhaul of the way we raise our young ones to accept and be accepted for who they are.
It's funny to think that just two jobs ago, I wasn't completely comfortable outing myself to coworkers (not unless there was another gay in the workplace, and I knew their attitude about it). Ten years ago, when I first realized I was gay, it took me a good year to feel comfortable in my own skin, and another two years before I could tell anybody. While I know that's a relatively short time to be "closeted," in all honesty it had to have been the worst time of my life developmentally.
Sure, I was still walking and breathing just the same as before, but I became a reckless social disaster. Desperate for new attention (or acceptance for my looks, rather than having to explain myself), my true friendships became shallow as I sought out wiser, more "street-smart gays" to show me the ropes. My most treasured social scene were gay bars before the age of 21. My relationships were fast and fleeting. I never felt bad or naughty per se, but I did have an overwhelming feeling that this was all just a big dirty secret; a "gaycation" I was having before going back to women, best kept under wraps. And since nothing real was to come of any of these relationships (nothing I would ever be allowed or care to bring home to Mom, anyway), I would get what I wanted and discard of the evidence before anybody was the wiser. I was always honest with my partners of what I was looking for, so I don't have any regrets...except for the fact that I probably tossed aside a few keepers.
The saddest part of those years, was that they were spent studying for a life that wasn't mine; I was out there on the front lines, learning to be a part of a culture that would never support my worth and talents. College, parents, and friends on the back burner, I wasted three years trying to figure out what "gay" was, and if I could handle it; if it was even for me. What I thought I needed was people to teach me how to dress, act, look, talk, meet, flirt, run, hide (I already knew how to Kick, Stretch, And Kick!). What I really needed was someone I cared about to say, "So you're gay. Get the fuck over it! Next hurdle."
Today, having "been gay" for 10 years, "out and proud" for 5 years, and committed to the best guy on two legs for almost 6, I don't worry so much about the past (although I do wish the transition had been a lot smoother). What we have to focus on is the future, and making sure our little homo boys and girls are taught from as early an age as it takes that there is nothing to be ashamed of. That they can openly love and marry whomever they choose, without exception. And if their God, Bible, President, senator, state, governor, teacher, parents, or neighbors can't accept them for everything that they are, then it's time they started searchin' for better company.
-r.zeke.r
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